Peeps on Twitter love humor. This social networking site has seen it all – from controversies to celebrity wars – some serious and some extremely funny. Here is a look into 15 tweets in random order that made Twitter a fun place to be at.
[sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye]
“Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye.”
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) June 1, 2014
most cutting thing you can say is “who’s this clown?” because it implies they’re a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) December 12, 2013
When your mother asks if you are sexually active, the correct response is not “No, I just lie there.”
— Jelisa Castrodale (@gordonshumway) February 25, 2010
Ambulances are the original Transformers because sometimes they transform mid-ride into hearses
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) January 29, 2014
Reporter 1: “Why wasn’t I chosen as sexiest man alive?” Reporter 2: “So many people would have to die.”
— Overheard Newsroom (@OHnewsroom) November 17, 2011
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it. Let’s live in a homeless man’s beard.
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) July 19, 2012
WHEN CATS ARE SAD
Bartender: What’ll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
— Phil Jamesson (@PhilJamesson) March 17, 2015
I’ve accepted every email offer I’ve ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.
— Jason Berlin (@JasonBerlin) July 28, 2012
ME: honey, it’s really muggy out today
WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I’m leaving u
ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
— Max Dylan Ash (@mynameisntdave) June 15, 2015
I can’t belive my grand mothers making me take Out the garbage I’m rich fuck this I’m going home I don’t need this shit
— 50cent (@50cent) August 26, 2010
do people who run know that we’re not food anymore
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) October 20, 2014
“Are you single?” “No, I’m in a committed endless discussion about where to have dinner.”
— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) December 13, 2012
The serving size for pizza is “until you hate yourself”
— Mezrahi, Samir (@samir) May 30, 2015
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
— Daniel Plainview (@10InchesPlus) September 21, 2012
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
— aspersioncast (@Aspersioncast) October 4, 2011
These tweets are just a drop from the sea of Twitter. For more of these join Twitter and follow the funny guys.